Men v. Women Oil Change Procedures

woman working on carOil Change Procedure For Women:
• Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 miles since the last oil change.
• Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
• 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
• Oil Change: $35.00
• Coffee: $2.00
• Total: $37.00

Oil Change Procedure For Men:
• Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
• Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a case of beer, write a check for $25. Drive home.
• Open a beer and drink it.
• Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
• Find jack stands under old Buick.
• In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
• Place drain pan under engine.
• Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
• Give up and use crescent wrench.
• Unscrew drain plug.
• Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. • Curse and swear.
• Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms.
• Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
• Have another beer while watching oil drain.
• Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
• Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
• Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
• Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
• Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
• Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
• Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
• Drink beer.
• Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
• Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
• Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
• Slip with stupid wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
• Begin swearing fit.
• Throw stupid wrench.
• More beer.
• Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
• Drink beer.
• Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
• Beer.
• Lower car from jack stands.
• Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
• Beer.
• Test drive car.
• Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
• Car is impounded.
• Call loving wife, make bail.
• 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2,500.00
Impound fee: $275.00
Bail: $1,500.00
Beer: $25.00
Total: $4,350.00

But you know the job was done right!

Brought to us by Paterson City Councilman Ken McDaniels. Thanks Ken, this is great!

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