{"id":4290,"date":"2013-12-09T22:54:24","date_gmt":"2013-12-10T03:54:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thewei.com\/kimi\/?p=4290"},"modified":"2026-01-06T22:15:04","modified_gmt":"2026-01-07T03:15:04","slug":"men-v-women-oil-change-procedures","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/thewei.com\/kimi\/men-v-women-oil-change-procedures\/","title":{"rendered":"Men v. Women Oil Change Procedures"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oil Change Procedure For Women:<\/strong>
\n\u2022 Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 miles since the last oil change.
\n\u2022 Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
\n\u2022 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.<\/p>\n

Money spent:<\/strong>
\n\u2022 Oil Change: $35.00
\n\u2022 Coffee: $2.00
\n\u2022 Total: $37.00<\/em><\/p>\n

Oil Change Procedure For Men:
\n<\/strong>\u2022 Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
\n\u2022 Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a case of beer, write a check for $25. Drive home.
\n\u2022 Open a beer and drink it.
\n\u2022 Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
\n\u2022 Find jack stands under old Buick.
\n\u2022 In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
\n\u2022 Place drain pan under engine.
\n\u2022 Look for 9\/16 box end wrench.
\n\u2022 Give up and use crescent wrench.
\n\u2022 Unscrew drain plug.
\n\u2022 Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. \u2022 Curse and swear.
\n\u2022 Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms.
\n\u2022 Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
\n\u2022 Have another beer while watching oil drain.
\n\u2022 Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
\n\u2022 Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
\n\u2022 Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
\n\u2022 Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
\n\u2022 Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
\n\u2022 Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
\n\u2022 Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
\n\u2022 Drink beer.
\n\u2022 Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
\n\u2022 Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
\n\u2022 Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
\n\u2022 Slip with stupid wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
\n\u2022 Begin swearing fit.
\n\u2022 Throw stupid wrench.
\n\u2022 More beer.
\n\u2022 Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
\n\u2022 Drink beer.
\n\u2022 Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
\n\u2022 Beer.
\n\u2022 Lower car from jack stands.
\n\u2022 Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
\n\u2022 Beer.
\n\u2022 Test drive car.
\n\u2022 Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
\n\u2022 Car is impounded.
\n\u2022 Call loving wife, make bail.
\n\u2022 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.<\/p>\n

Money spent:<\/strong>
\nParts: $50.00
\nDUI: $2,500.00
\nImpound fee: $275.00
\nBail: $1,500.00
\nBeer: $25.00
\nTotal: $4,350.00<\/em><\/p>\n

But you know the job was done right!<\/p>\n

Brought to us by Paterson City Councilman Ken McDaniels<\/a>. Thanks Ken, this is great!<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oil Change Procedure For Women: \u2022 Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 miles since the last oil change. \u2022 Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper. \u2022 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: \u2022 Oil Change: $35.00 \u2022 Coffee: $2.00 \u2022 Total: $37.00 … <\/p>\n

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