When you’re a kid, certain things just don’t make sense. One of those for me, were hearts of palm. They tasted OK but I still didn’t want to eat too many of them. Couldn’t figure out why anyone would want to replace a good old red-blooded human heart with a heart made out of these things.
It was decades before I would “get” that one, but now I can finally enjoy gobbling these bad boys up without feeling I’m colluding in some kind of Frankenstein experiment.
These women jump-ropers from Hungary make it look easy to heft a soccer ball while jump-roping. Truth is, I went to school with a bunch of girls who were probably many times more skilled than these ladies, but my schoolmates didn’t come up with the idea of jump-roping and butt-rope-jumping all over Rio during World Cup season like they did.
By the way, I boycotted the World Cup to protest the Brazilian government’s “sanitization program” which removed entire communities of poor people and ordered the killing of over 120 street orphans to make the World Cup area nice for tourists.
Twitter fans will appreciate Red Monkey’s fail whale graphic about BP’s Gulf Oil Spill. Its legend reads: The Gulf of Mexico is over capacity. Too many careless corporations! Please wait a millenium and try again.
Story circulating thru the internet on what happens when you argue with children about whales:
A teacher was doing a lesson on whales and stated that though whales are very large, their throats are very small and it would be impossible to swallow a human. A little girl said “Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”
The teacher told the little girl that it was impossible. There was no way a whale could have swallowed him. So the little girl said “Well, when I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah about it.”
This compilation of the best scenes from BBC film is so delightful. A little birdie moonwalks towards the end.
Friend Rita Louie of Haverstraw posted this fabulous list of fun word-plays on Facebook. While I was looking for attributions forthis post, I learned that the list’s origins are obscure. I traced some words to a 1998 Washington Post Style Invitational Contest but I didn’t see any reference to Mensa. Other words seem not related to either organization. The list is a world of fun, though, and it will make you laugh!
In this list, alternate meanings have been assigned to standard words
Mother and son roll out on the floor for a wedding dance that turns into a routine that could give Broadway a run for its money. If you watch just one thing today, pick this.
No more kitchen knives for smart phone users – now, there’s an app for that! iPhone and Android users can download the Laser Beam app and slice or dice tomatoes and just about any other vegetable with it.
The downside:
Coláiste Lurgan in Conamara, Ireland put together this amazing community performance of the Cup Song (Amhrán na gCupán in Gaeilge). 600 students and staff tap out the syncopated rhythm and harmonize the chorus to a beautiful young colleague’s lovely Gaelic lyrics, and they’re joined by guitarists and drummers too. 2.5 minutes of pure pleasure. Treat yourself!
The original is pretty good too. Anna Kendrick performing in Pitch Perfect
Steve Kardynal does another take-off on Miley Cyrus, this time swinging to her song All I Want For Christmas Is You! Steve is as funny and outrageous as Richard Pryor back in the day. Gotta watch this charming, singing, bearded comedian and laugh a while. Merry Christmas Steve!
Happiness comes from sticking at things that often seem mundane, prosaic, boring, unglamorous ~ Alexander McCall Smith
Oil Change Procedure For Women:
• Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 miles since the last oil change.
• Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
• 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
• Oil Change: $35.00
• Coffee: $2.00
• Total: $37.00
Oil Change Procedure For Men:
• Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
• Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a case of beer, write a check for $25. Drive home.
• Open a beer and drink it.
• Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
• Find jack stands under old Buick.
• In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
• Place drain pan under engine.
• Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
• Give up and use crescent wrench.
• Unscrew drain plug.
• Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. • Curse and swear.
• Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms.
• Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
• Have another beer while watching oil drain.
• Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
• Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
• Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
• Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
• Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
• Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
• Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
• Drink beer.
• Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
• Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
• Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
• Slip with stupid wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
• Begin swearing fit.
• Throw stupid wrench.
• More beer.
• Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
• Drink beer.
• Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
• Beer.
• Lower car from jack stands.
• Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
• Beer.
• Test drive car.
• Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
• Car is impounded.
• Call loving wife, make bail.
• 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
65º
Arizonans turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.
60º
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Minnesota sunbathe.
50º
Italian & English cars won’t start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..
40º
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
35º
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
20º
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close their windows.
Steve Kardynal‘s brilliant new Chatroulette video of Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball features him in undies atop a wrecking ball – and eventually, even less clothed – in his own living room. No, I can’t say any more. You’ve got to see Steve in action to understand how funny he is. Look! People sharing his chat session (pictured on left) are definitely having a blast watching his silly antics.
This by the way, is good, clean fun. Steve is the only woman-portraying, bearded, socked and booted man I’ve ever seen who can do full skin on a wrecking ball without even a hint of x-rated sexuality. 1.5 million views only a day after being posted.
Van Morrison, Moondance
